Urban Dictionary defines Paramedic as: Absolutely the last person in the world you want to fuck with.
With that being said here is 10 things you never want to say or do in front of a Paramedic.
10) State with no distress that your pain level is a number greater than 10! (Now you’re really not getting pain meds from us or the hospital.)
9) Tell the medic in the back on the way to the hospital that you’re not really hurt from the accident you just want the other Guy to pay! (The Paramedic will chart that as reason for transport. And you better prey to God it never goes to court.)
8) Request to walk past three parked cars in the drive way and sit directly on the gurney in the ambulance .
7) Get pissed when you go directly to triage even though the medic told you three times that that was exactly where you were going. (We’ve done this a few times. And the number one rule is never lie to a patient.)
6) Inform the medic that the ingrown toe nail their being transported for is not that bad but you know its slower in the ER at 3 am and you think you’ll see a doc faster. (I’ve sat patients in an empty lobby and come back 10 hours later to see them still sitting there.)
5) Ask the Paramedic to lie on their report so there insurance will cover it. (We will chart that under reason to transport too. )
4) Keep telling the medic repetitively over and over for 45 minutes you’re not sure if you want to go the hospital. Then at least minute decide you do. (If we are asking you if if you want to go to hospital you don’t need to go let alone by ambulance)
3) Request a blanket, pillow, or a drink of water. (The dead Guy before you didn’t ask for those things)
2) We know that your on drugs. We can tell this from experience. We know from your vital signs. We’re not cops. And your information is confidential. All it does is help you get the right treatment faster. So never, and I mean, NEVER lie to a medic. We know you’re lying.
1) Don’t request to go to a much further hospital with 20 minutes left in their shift. (Especially when that puts them in over time which now puts them into a higher tax bracket to give to your state funded insurance.)