Close your eyes if you will. Its about 3am and the air is cool. The night is brightly lit with the full moon and its a brisk 35 degrees out on the plains of Texas. I'm parked on the side of a residential road working on my logs when I see the figure of a man walking *if you can call it walking* towards me about 2 streets down. I'm thinking GREAT another drunk! I'd already made 5, count em, FIVE public intoxication arrests that night and here was about to get handed a 6th. Well, I was not in the mood for more paperwork so I thought to myself, "I bet he lives in one of these houses. I'll watch him and make sure he gets inside safely."

But oh no! That would have been too easy. Instead of going into one of the houses he staggers up to my window and in drunken Spanish (which at the time I didn't know Spanish that well) starts talking to me through the glass. I tell him in my very best crappy Spanish to go home, go away, go to la casa!
So, what does he do? He pulls out his wallet and fumbles for a few minutes and finally manages to get his ID out and puts it against my window and continues in his drunken Spanish.

I'm thinking C'mon man! So, I look around to make sure no one is watching and I discretely drive away, washing my hands of this moron. I put him out of my mind and find another spot to finish my paperwork and then get back to patrolling.

Now the time is about 5:30am and dispatch sends myself and another unit over to an address where a guy says he's found a body in his alley while checking to see what his dogs were barking at. Im thinking COOL! and drive to the scene and arrive just behind the other unit.

Sure enough from about 20 yards away I see a foot poking out of some weeds. The other officer approaches first and I ask if the person is dead to which the officer replies "I don't know, his eyes are half open and I cant see if he's breathing." So, I walk up and all I see from my angle is a leg and part of his right arm. I give a gentle yet firm kick to his thigh and say "Hey! wake up man." And as a result the person makes a groan and moves a little to get comfortable.

Realizing the person is not dead but just passed out the other officer sits the man up to check for injuries and to talk to him. AS SOON as the guy sat up I realized it was my drunk from earlier!!!!!!!!!!!! Uh oh.

Suddenly the drunk guy starts talking and pointing at me and the other officer. The 911 caller asks "did one of you guys deal with this man earlier tonight?" I told him I'd seen him earlier, to which the 911 caller starts laughing a little and explains to me that the drunk was telling him in Spanish that he'd tried to show a police officer his Driver's License in hopes that the cop would tell him how to get home because he was too drunk and couldn't remember where he lived!!!!! And that the cop had driven away so he thought the cop was showing him the way home and tried to follow the police car..... thus ending up across town in this alley.

Well ladies and gents...I learned a valuable lesson. KNOW SPANISH if its spoken in your area and DON'T LEAVE DRUNK GUYS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!

I did take that guy home and made sure he got inside his house safely.

"Law Dog"

Deputy from Texas

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